I love the idea of going to cafes to get work done. There is something nice about it. Like being a novelist or writing my screenplay in a starbucks. I do none of those things, but pretending I do seems like a fun idea. The sort of work that I do at home can easily be done inside of a cafe. I bought a laptop specifically so that I would be able to bring it outdoors with me and get work done away from home. Unfortunately this does not go well with my not wanting to go outside problems. So the farthest I have brought my laptop is on to my bed. What a waste.
There is a nice spot in Barnes and Noble that I like. The problem is getting there is such a hassle, and if I travel all the way there to find that there are no seats, then that is really just a waste of my day. I can't go to starbucks either because there is never any available seating. I don't understand people who say they get all of their work done in starbucks. How the heck do they find a place to sit? Do they live in a town with a population of 100? I live in New York, so getting a seat in starbucks is really like a fairy tale fantasy. I guess if I showed up right when they open the store I'd be good, but who really wants to do something like that anyway?
Tomorrow it's supposed to be very nice outside, so I am thinking I will finally take my brand new laptop out into the world. I probably won't though. I'll wake up feeling extra lazy and end up working at my desktop in my pajamas. I think I lose motivation because when I go out alone I feel very self conscious. I'm not entirely sure why. I know that no one is paying any attention to me, but I feel weird when I am sitting alone. It's really silly. I wish I could just act like a normal person sometime. Maybe someday I finally will transform into a regular person. One can only hope.
Gotta move
I've been living with my parents for over 20 years. That's a sad fact isn't it? I had to graduate college just when the world decided to go completely broke. The only thing I have ever wanted out of my life was to leave the nest and move out on my own. Everything about living alone excites me. I want to have my own kitchen to cook in. I want to do things my way. I want to be able to have alone time whenever I want it. I want to decorate everything to my taste. I want to leave a pair of socks on the floor without my mom coming over and telling me to clean it up.
Moving out means you need to have a lot of money. I'm not exactly broke, but where I live you need to either have a bunch of money to rent an apartment, work 5 jobs, or have 18 roommates. I don't have any of these things, and thus I am stuck in the worst living situation that anyone could possibly ever want to be in. Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much, but there comes a time when living with them makes you want to bash your head in. It is that time for me.
Sometimes I think that I should just go for it and move even though I am scared that I am not going to be able to afford it. There are tons of people who don't have 100s of thousands of dollars before they move out so I am not entirely sure what it is that I am waiting for. I guess I am scared of my money running out and then I'll have to move right back to where I am now. That would just be embarrassing. And it would be a waste of money. I really don't want to be one of those people who lives with their parents until they are 35 though. I have nothing against those people, I just know that another 10 years here means that I am going to progress into a total mental break down. That would not be a good thing.
On a less depressing note. I love reading tea information. I like this site.
Moving out means you need to have a lot of money. I'm not exactly broke, but where I live you need to either have a bunch of money to rent an apartment, work 5 jobs, or have 18 roommates. I don't have any of these things, and thus I am stuck in the worst living situation that anyone could possibly ever want to be in. Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much, but there comes a time when living with them makes you want to bash your head in. It is that time for me.
Sometimes I think that I should just go for it and move even though I am scared that I am not going to be able to afford it. There are tons of people who don't have 100s of thousands of dollars before they move out so I am not entirely sure what it is that I am waiting for. I guess I am scared of my money running out and then I'll have to move right back to where I am now. That would just be embarrassing. And it would be a waste of money. I really don't want to be one of those people who lives with their parents until they are 35 though. I have nothing against those people, I just know that another 10 years here means that I am going to progress into a total mental break down. That would not be a good thing.
On a less depressing note. I love reading tea information. I like this site.
Agoraphobia
I seem to have developed a fear of going outside. Or maybe I have developed a disinterest in going outside. I think that what I have is somewhere in between these two things. Back when I was a teenage, which really wasn't that many years ago, I was incredibly shy. The only time I really left my house was to go to school. I had no friends at school, so there was never really any reason for me to ever leave. By the time I started university, I still had a bit of that inside of me. Having a roommate forced me to go out more because I didn't want them to think that I was nuts by staying indoors all of the time and never going anywhere.
Once I finally started to make friends at Uni, I started going outside lots more, and it became something that I hardly ever thought of. Now that I am back home after finishing college, I never want to go outside again. I just can't seem to find the motivation to do it. I don't know exactly why but I hate going outdoors. It could have a lot to do with where I live, and how hard it is to get anywhere from here, but it also has to do with a strange sensation of resistance to the whole idea of being outdoors. This is bad, very bad. I don't want to be a hermit, but I think that is exactly what I am turning into.
I probably need some sort of therapy or something. I need to start practicing some exercises that are going to help get me outdoors more often. It's a bad thing to work at home when you are like this because then you really never ever leave the house. Why would I ever need to when I have everything I need right here. Uh oh. I bet I'd be a lot less hermit like if the internet had never been invented. I don't even want to think about what kind of world that would have been like. Yikes.
Once I finally started to make friends at Uni, I started going outside lots more, and it became something that I hardly ever thought of. Now that I am back home after finishing college, I never want to go outside again. I just can't seem to find the motivation to do it. I don't know exactly why but I hate going outdoors. It could have a lot to do with where I live, and how hard it is to get anywhere from here, but it also has to do with a strange sensation of resistance to the whole idea of being outdoors. This is bad, very bad. I don't want to be a hermit, but I think that is exactly what I am turning into.
I probably need some sort of therapy or something. I need to start practicing some exercises that are going to help get me outdoors more often. It's a bad thing to work at home when you are like this because then you really never ever leave the house. Why would I ever need to when I have everything I need right here. Uh oh. I bet I'd be a lot less hermit like if the internet had never been invented. I don't even want to think about what kind of world that would have been like. Yikes.
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